When was the last time you felt upset?

When was the last time you felt upset? 

Were you upset because of yourself or because someone else made you feel such? 

You might be wondering how does that make a difference since end of the day you are feeling upset. Well i realised over time it makes the most amount of difference. 

To really understand why you are feeling what you are feeling instead of just accepting the feeling makes a difference. 

Today morning i was chatting with a friend and she mentioned to me she was feeling upset because her partner fought with her over the microwave being not clean enough. So i asked her why was she really upset, was it because she didn’t do a good job to clean the microwave OR because her partner said things to make her upset. (Powerful question) 

How does this question make any difference? 

If she was upset because she didn’t clean the microwave properly, that can be changed. The next time she needs to extra mindful that the microwave is cleaned properly but if she was upset because of her partner, there isn’t anything much that can be done. It is the partner’s feeling that is being imposed to her. 

So many a times i am found in such a situation. I am upset or angry BUT i cant explain who my feelings is generated to. To feel such, drains me out. It does not only drain me but it spoils my day or days as well. 

Last year i had this incident that happened to me at office. I broke down badly in my superior’s office. I broke down at the office toilet. I broke down at home. I broke down when i was sharing what happened with my friend. I broke down before i slept. Yes i broke down many a times just few days. It spoilt my mood for many days or maybe even weeks. I knew deep up whatever that was said to me wasn’t true about myself and my work. I knew i always did my best as an individual and as a team player. I knew it all BUT I WAS STILL BADLY AFFECTED. After awhile i was so tired of feeling the way i was feeling, i sat down and started writing. I started writing why i felt such. Was i feeling like this because of what i did or because of what others made me feel. I found my answer. I knew it wasn’t because of me. I was affected because of external factor. A factor i cant change so being upset means i am only affecting myself and spoiling my day. 

Now i am learning to view things from outside my box. If my feelings are caused by me then definitely i will work on it but if its because of someone else why should i be upset or bothered when the other party is happily living their life. 

i really need to learn and understand my own feelings first and putting myself first. 

If i don’t protect myself, who else will?